the tears and the smears which I look through to type this are telling me I'm still not over him. Or perhaps, the idea of him. and see, this is what happens when a friend left you. I guess I've been avoiding these thoughts for a while now, and confronted with them in some conversation. see, reality has never been more clear.
i'm still a broken human piece.
even with the mixed signals, the inconsistency, and the pain, it was still the most insignificant relationship, the absurd one. and that's what makes it so hard to let go. my other relationship may have been free of all the drama, but the also lacked the depth, intensity, and intimacy.
i was curious, where is this ship going to lead.
you see, people always said, you never know what you've found until you lose it. i admit it. back in april, i haven't felt about you. and when you left, i realize what was gone.
there's nothing I would have changed but the end, which dragged on for some month, one suture ripped out after another. I know I wasn't the only person to go through the pain of separation like this, but this is so drama. and I love drama.
for a moment i thought, i was your savior. then think again, what am i to you? an affair perhaps?
oh i forgot, you never tired of telling me this : we're friend, just friend . I was in love with the idea of that. till i realize, that i was in love with lies. you keep intervene your mind with that, in thought of you weren't wrong.
I was willing to step back, for your best, for your happiness. but now, i am willing to step back, to the best of me.
why couldn't it have ended that night, instead of the mind fuck that continued for months after? why couldn't the last thing for him to leave me be the words he spoke to me that night. remember?
and why couldn't he have kept the promises he made to do whatever it took to help me, after what i've done. your status on messenger for a few days, remember? "big thanks to YOU"
oh you forgot, or like what i said, i was in love with lies?
we haven't seen each other in over months. it's been even longer since we had an actual conversation. it's time for me to wake the fuck up. it's time for me to deal with my emo and the reality of the situation. it's time for me to move on instead of holding on the idea of my anger.
you have her, go get her! wish that always ever be enough.
don't do like what you have done.
ada teori di hidup ini. cuma ada dua jenis cowok, kalo nggak maho ya bajingan.
thus i declare, kamu bajingan!
i wasn't expect you to come back, and having your sorry swears. that ship has been sailed away. i just want you to remember something. something you will take granted of, and hopely will increase your lack of sociality in live.
I WAS THERE FOR YOU
remember that.